Blog

  • Constellation of Purpose ✨

    A Free Worksheet

    Constellation of Purpose Worksheets with a small hand holding a twig pencil

    We are still finding our way through January. We’re missing our sitter – closing in on one month without them. And while I recognize having a sitter is a privilege I also have to accept that my neurotype simply cannot do certain types of work without that support.

    Does anyone else relate to feeling guilty for the support you actually need?

    I have a lot more to say on this when I have the time to finish processing.

    As a family we are struggling with the break in routine, the overstimulation of the holidays, and lack of reset time. Not to mention a flare up in chronic pain (thank you winter weather.)

    Right now I’m trying to write this while Nathan does bedtime, but the noise cancelling headphones can only do so much.

    So keeping it short and sweet.

    Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    This is a printable I made to dig deeper on the purpose that drives your creative work. I talk about finding your North Star in the final chapter of Discover Your Creative Ecosystem. This Venn diagram is another way to visualize the concept. Especially if one guiding star feels a bit limiting.

    You can print this off or use an app like Procreate to fill it in digitally. If you do either I’d love to see! Tag me on Instagram @sarahdshotts.

    I am holding it together by reinstating my morning walk. During the time Nathan used to drive Davy to school I am going for a short loop around the park which brings me right past this lovely wintering willow.

    Willow tree in foreground. White dusting of snow and pond with bridge in background.

    While I’m stalling on projects I’ve been funneling my creative energy into rearranging the house and studio for the new semester. Meet the newest member of the family…

    Teal Green Vintage Manual Underwood Typewriter

    Apparently, I adopt typewriters the way other people do pets. 😂

    Coming Soon…

    How are you finding January? Are you in the groove or still struggling along like me?

    Talk soon,

    Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

  • The Shape of Things to Come 💫

    Substack Celebrations & Shiftings in 2023

    Thank you so much for being here and reading my words. Every subscribe, every share, every comment means so much. I do this for connection and having more interaction with you here on Substack this year has been amazing.

    A special thanks to paying subscribers who have pledged to support my work.

    Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    Your ongoing subscriptions help me…

    The works supporters have funded this year include…

    The audiobook for Discover Your Creative Ecosystem.

    This poem.

    As well as works in progress including bricolage, soft sculpture, performance art piece, and the 360 VR installation pictured below. I’m excited about digging into all of these and telling their stories next year.

    Slowing Down

    This past year I’ve enjoyed writing for Substack every week, but this year I am slowing things down. I want to have more time between posts so I can record more podcasts and make more behind the scenes videos (like this one well over a year ago!)

    Because I’ll be posting less frequently I’m removing the paywall for most posts with a special bonus podcast for paid subscribers every three months.

    I’m planning to post fortnightly instead of weekly. (If you don’t live in a Jane Austen novel that means every other week.) 😉 One post will be here at Down the Rabbit Hole. The other post will be at .

    I may occasionally share a bonus post if I have extra bandwidth and something I’m excited to share. (Like I did with my self publishing book timeline.)

    You may have noticed I’ve changed my mind about combining these two lists. I was planning to do this, but I noticed that they are attracting slightly different groups of people so I am going to keep two lists for now.

    More Discussion

    The weeks between my fortnightly posts I’ll be hosting discussions on the chat feature of the Substack app.

    Discover Your Creative Ecosystem Book Club will discuss one chapter of my book each month.

    And I will also be hosting a sharing thread for The Magic Mundane (inviting you into my collaboration with .)

    Paying Subscribers

    Bonus content for paying subscribers will come once each season (about every three months). I am envisioning a behind the scenes podcast (with transcript) about my creative process.

    You’ll also have early access to Kindle Curiosity podcast interviews and exclusive access to the podcast video feed.

    Also on the horizon for next year…

    • Reviving my creative motherhood book project as an anthology! (So excited to officially invite collaborators in the new year. Reach out if you are interested in contributing.)

    • My guide to self publishing (not sure how long this will take to finish, but I’ve almost completed the first draft.)

    • Two book projects for autistics by autistics (both are collaborations which I am super pumped about! You will hear more soon!)

    • Two more secret projects that involve creative community. 🥰

    Ok, that’s a wrap on 2022! I hope you all have a cozy evening.

    See you in the new year,

    Sarah

    Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    P.S. Trying to find this emoji 💫 and Google has just informed me that it is supposed to mean “dizzy”. I’m just going to forget that and keep using it literally. It’s obviously a shooting star. 💫

  • December Rabbit Holes

    Watch, read, listen, or journal your way into the new year.

    Hullo from the not so distant past!

    I’m on a holiday pause, but I’ve scheduled this email to reach your inboxes over the holidays.

    It’s a little collection from the archives in case you miss me. If you’re receiving this you’ve pledged to support here or on Patreon so thanks for being an important part of this little ecosystem. I’ll be sending out an email next week about my intentions for Substack in the new year. I’m changing things up a bit so watch for that.

    Listen

    If you’re new around here have a listen to this. Before Davy was born I interviewed some amazing people on my podcast and this is one of my favorite episodes. We could have talked all day! Ashley is a Renaissance Soul and this was a joy to record.

    Watch

    Some of you weren’t around when we built the studio. You can watch the origin story here (Davy is so tiny!). Poke around on YouTube for more.

    Read

    Looking back at my word of the year it didn’t go the way I’d envisioned (does it ever?!) but I do think I have more awareness of inward and outward energy this year. I think I will keep leaning into root in 2023. It has more to teach me.

    Reflect

    By the time this email goes out I’m guessing Susannah Conway will have released Unravel Your Year or will be doing so very soon. I do it every year and it brings so much clarity and intention. She also has a Find Your Word booklet if you want to choose a word of the year and having trouble landing on one. All of those things are free to her newsletter subscribers.

    That’s it for now.

    I hope you enjoy the holidays and I’ll see you on the other side!

    Cheers,

    Sarah

  • Self Pub 101 Bonus (Personal Reflection)

    Writing Discover Your Creative Ecosystem

    The timeline of my process self publishing Discover Your Creative Ecosystem.

    2019 or “The Before Times”

    When I am writing a rough draft I absolutely do not make any corrections. This includes spelling, grammar, or rewrites of any kind. As Miss Frizzle would say, “Take chances, make mistakes, GET MESSY!”

    I take this approach as a person who can spend hours rewriting a single email. If I let myself start editing I’ll never finish a draft.

    So in 2019 I started making notes and doing research for the book I wished I had to read. Davy was less than a year old and I was struggling to connect with Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way which felt absolutely inaccessible to me at the time. (I love Julia Cameron, but it did not work for me during my postpartum life.)

    This was a book about creativity and motherhood and I was trying to make space for all of the varied human experiences within parenting.

    I wrote a chapter about “creative ecosystems” that kept getting longer and longer.

    At some point I realized this was its own “thing” but I wasn’t sure what that “thing” was. I pulled it out of my creative motherhood draft and set it to the side.

    Then the pandemic happened.

    2020 or “The Long Break”

    When new motherhood collided with the pandemic I collapsed.

    During the early adrenaline infused weeks I pushed out a single draft of the creative motherhood book. At this point we all thought the situation was somehow “temporary”, but when it didn’t let up I hit overwhelm pretty quickly.

    I had almost a whole year between drafts. The time away from writing actually did more to inform the book that follows than any amount of “bum on seat hands on keyboard” ever could.

    I learned that time and space between drafts is actually essential to my creative ecosystem and makes my writing better. I’ve found this to be true for both nonfiction books and novels that I am drafting.

    There are two benefits to time between drafts:

    1. Actual life experience you can bring to the book.

    2. Time for your subconscious to unravel some of the book’s problems.

    3. Distance from the material.

    Coming back to a draft I found that the person I had become had new things to add to the book.

    I find that the time I’ve spent thinking about my book or the themes of my book adds more depth to the writing. And that time away from my writing gives me the space I need to make ruthless edits. I feel less precious about it and also have more clarity on what I want to say.

    March to June of 2021

    When I came back to my draft I thought I could adapt it into a group coaching program. I asked a friend if they were interested in being a beta reader for a virtual creative retreat. I edited and emailed one chapter a week believing I was creating a group coaching program.

    (Full transparency: I definitely missed several weeks in there because we were sick most of the time my son was enrolled in school. For school giveth time and school taketh time away. My beta reader was understanding and encouraging and I kept at it.)

    I knew by now I wanted to write a book about creative ecosystems, but thought it should be longer and more complex than what I was working on.

    September to November of 2021

    I made some further edits and ran a Creative Ecosystem group coaching program in autumn of 2021. Hearing feedback from the creative kindreds in the group really helped me see the value in what I’d already written and realize that the simplicity was actually a strength.

    Setting aside the idea of writing a 100,000 word thesis on creative ecosystems I decided to restructure the weekly emails as a book and self publish.

    I downloaded a 6×9” book template and started formatting the book as I redrafted. I adjusted the language with a book reader in mind, but tried to keep the conversational tone I had established in the email versions. I also added additional images and prompts.

    January 2022

    I ordered the first proof for Discover Your Creative Ecosystem in January of 2022. This began the lengthy process of formatting and copy edits which took most of the year. There was quite a delay between ordering proofs and receiving them. And again, we were sick for much of the spring semester.

    February 2022

    My original plan was to create a printable workbook as a newsletter magnet that I would mention throughout the book. But I got carried away designing the workbook with full color illustrations and it turned out to be more than the average home computer could handle. So I decided to order a paperback copy and see how it turned out.

    March 2022

    I wasn’t happy with the paperback proof of the workbook so I added some pages and ordered a proof in hardcover. I was much happier with the quality and decided to offer it as a bundle.

    April 2022

    I recorded the audiobook. I did this before finalizing the final proof based on Austin Kleon’s suggestion that you always find mistakes when recording the audiobook. And I did.

    When the penultimate proof came in I did a photoshoot and launched Indiegogo preorders. I wanted to complete the crowdfunding campaign before people went out of town for their summer vacations.

    By this point I had a draft I was mostly happy with, but also a list of changes I wanted to make to tweak images and formatting.

    October 2022

    A lot happened in October. My final proof arrived and I made one last round of edits. I decided against one further proof copy (even though my heart wanted one) because I really wanted to get my books out before the holiday shipping rush.

    So I ordered my books and received them just before Halloween.

    November 2022

    When the books arrived I scouted out an autumnal spot to photograph them and to sign all of the preorders. The ground was carpeted in red maple leaves so I tucked one into each book. I took some photos and videos for Instagram.

    I took my time packaging up the books so I could personalize the library pockets and wrap them each with tissue. It took several different sessions while someone else was watching Davy to get this done.

    Finally they all went out in the mail! Once the books started hitting doorsteps I sent out the PDF ebook. I wanted people who preordered physical books to have a chance to hold that in their hands first.

    December 2022

    Two weeks into December I finally had the two days it took to finish editing the audiobook and set up all of the meta data correctly.

    I sent that out today and sat down to turn my self publishing experience into creative compost. So writing the “rough rough draft” of whatever this project will be while Davy builds DUPLO blocks at my feet. (I can’t believe he is letting me work on my laptop. This changes everything!)

    So that’s it!

    Around three years from start to finish with a one year pandemic gap. The self publishing part of the process itself took about one year. I’d originally hoped to get the books out sooner, but would definitely allow myself more time in the future.

    This isn’t a template to follow. I’m just pulling back the curtain on what exactly I did and how long this process took for me.

  • How it Feels to Be Time Blind

    Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey 🌀

    Growing up I had no idea I was time blind.

    But I was already establishing coping mechanisms. Because I had no internal chronometer to distinguish between 5 minutes and 50 I would prepare for every outing far far in advance and find myself in a state of limbo unable to do anything but wait.

    This is effective, but is also a black hole for both energy and time.

    People with time blindness tend to be chronically early or chronically late.

    It’s funny that the same internal experience can result in two such seemingly different behaviors, but it makes sense. One approach to time is a rigid controlled white knuckling. A hyperfocus that saps both time and energy from your life. The other holds on with a looser grip and time slips away.

    You might construe the first stereotype as autism and the second as ADHD, but time blindness is an internal experience shared by both.

    Now that I’m a mother I simply don’t have bandwidth to white knuckle my way through the day hyperfocusing on time.

    I cannot wait in the car for an hour. I do not have an hour to spare.

    Not to mention the chaotic element of a small human who has all sorts of urgent needs that can’t always be anticipated.

    How do normal people know when to leave the house to arrive somewhere on time?

    I never realized I was working SO HARD at something most people find simple.

    I was obsessed with planners a few years ago. I never would have described myself as disorganized, but this was down to the fact that I relied on a series of complicated systems to keep track of the most basic things.

    Like what day of the week it is. (I’m not kidding.)

    When Davy was in his human goat phase I gave planners up. As a result I’ve been flying blind for 3.5 years now. During this time I have learned a few things:

    First, go gentle on people who show up late and forget things. They are doing their best.

    Second, I really thrive with structure and systems.

    It’s impossible to overstate how much having a plan helps me.

    Structure frees up my brain for other things in a way that I can only compare to breathing oxygen versus being waterboarded.

    I’ve been metaphorically drowning for actual years now.

    At first I thought the lesson I was meant to be learning was how to “let go” and embrace fluidity.

    There is nothing less helpful you could suggest to a human whose brain needs structure.

    The last few months I have been experimenting with themed days. With one focus per day my nervous system has improved dramatically. It also seems to help Davy. (We are both the type of neurodivergent who likes to know what’s coming.)

    But we all need different things.

    If your brain needs freedom embrace that. Don’t let people shame you and push you into a rigid structure if that doesn’t work for you.

    When we’re forced to work in ways that run counter to our neurotype it’s important to recognize this is legitimately difficult for us.

    Life seems determined to deal out changed plans, external deadlines, and an ungodly amount of urgent paperwork.

    When this happens we should treat ourself like we’re doing something really hard (because we are.)

    Without a plan my brain feels like it is on high alert all the time just trying to get through the day. Imagine a tennis player bouncing with bent legs ready to sprint in any direction*. That’s how I feel without a plan. It’s exhausting. And I am far more likely to become overstimulated.

    *I know nothing about sports. But we were told to stand this way in Improv class and I quit immediately. 😂

    When our nervous system is on high alert we can help ourselves by:

    • providing sensory support (comfortable clothes, fidgets, movement, regulating environments)

    • seeking comfort (a cozy blanket, a favorite book or tv show, a cup of tea)

    • asking for help

    • finding someone to work alongside us (sometimes this is called “body doubling”)

    • rewarding our own efforts (treat yo’self)

    I could say more, but I’ve run out of time. 😂😂😂

    Next week I will be on holiday pause, but I have prescheduled some links for you. (I remember some years my inbox has felt really empty over the holidays when I needed some company.)

    Let’s Discuss

    Do you experience time blindness? How do you navigate space and time?

    Cheers,

    Sarah

  • Claire Venus on Motherhood + Magic 💫

    Motherhood, Creativity & The Magic Mundane

    A podcast chat with my friend about motherhood, creativity, and our collaborative photography project The Magic Mundane.

    Connect with Claire Venus

    Creatively Conscious on Substack

    Instagram

    Website


    Here a few images from the one year photo exchange.

    Show Notes

    Also mentioned in this episode…

    Our Beautiful Reality the Journal

    The Magic Mundane

    Kate Laing on Kindle Curiosity Season 3, Episode 2

    Connect with Sarah

    Instagram

    Substack

    Portfolio

    Support the Podcast & Access Video Feed

    Become a paying subscriber on Substack to unlock bonus content including the video feed. (That’s y’all! Thank you!!!)

    Order my book Discover Your Creative Ecosystem.

  • Claire Venus on Kindle Curiosity Season 3

    Secret Substack Video Feed 😉

    Hi everyone!

    I managed to record a new podcast chat over the holiday break and have decided that video feeds will live here on Substack for paying subscribers. The public audio post will go live later this week so you get a sneak peek.

    I’ll be hosting a discussion thread to chat about the podcast with Claire later this week. 🥰

    Now that Davy isn’t in school and we aren’t sick constantly I am hoping to revive the podcast for more regular updates in 2023.


    Show Notes

    Kindle Curiosity Season Three: Discover Your Creative Ecosystem

    3.3 Claire Venus on The Magic Mundane

    Connect with Claire Venus

    Instagram

    Substack

    Website

    Our Beautiful Reality the Journal

    Also mentioned in this episode…

    The Magic Mundane

    Kate Laing on Kindle Curiosity Season 3, Episode 2

    Connect with Sarah

    Instagram

    Substack

    Portfolio

    Support the Podcast & Access Video Feed

    Become a paying subscriber on Substack to unlock bonus content including the video feed. (That’s y’all! Thank you!!!)

    Order my book Discover Your Creative Ecosystem.

  • Neurodivergent Boundaries 💫

    Your needs are reasonable.

    Boundaries can be extremely difficult for neurodivergent folks to navigate.

    This is particulary true for those of us who were late in life to realize our neurodivergence.

    For decades I saw my autistic traits as my character flaws. Reframing them to ask for the supports I need has been a seismic shift for me.

    Kindle Curiosity is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    If you’re following along on Instagram you may have seen the series of posts I shared about setting boundaries. (Or depending on the algorithm perhaps not. If you’re not seeing someone’s posts in your feed you can tap “Following” on their profile and choose “Add to Favorites”.)

    I wrote these as a pep talk for myself and decided to share.

    This is the first holiday season since my son’s autism diagnosis and I am drawing some lines in the sand about what we really need.

    But you don’t need a diagnosis to advocate for your own needs.

    The diagnosis isn’t a magic paper. It doesn’t actually do anything on an interpersonal level. (I would suggest an official diagnosis is only helpful if required by your workplace, school, or insurance to offer supports and resources.)

    I was officially diagnosed seven years ago and even so I have never properly advocated for my own needs. It took my son’s diagnosis (and the resulting inner work) to reframe my autism and start to see my own needs as neutral and valid.

    If you are also struggling to ask for what you need remember I am over here rooting for you.

    Your needs are valid.

    Sensory pain is real.

    Time to decompress is essential.

    I am new to all of this! But I’m sharing my story to help you all feel less alone. This isn’t a template, it’s just where I am right now in my boundary setting process.

    How I supported my neurodivergence when setting boundaries…

    1. I no longer make phone calls. When a phone call is required I say, “I have auditory processing disorder. Text based communication is best for me. Can we do this via email or text message?” (I don’t always disclose my autism diagnosis because it is easier for most people to understand a difficulty hearing. We don’t have to fully educate every person. We can choose to communicate the specific piece of our neurodivergence that is relevant to the situation. Or the piece that is most easily understood.)*

    2. I communicated what we need through a letter in the mail. The resistance I had to doing this was strong. But I wanted to set these boundaries in advance and didn’t feel able to do so over the phone. When I was packaging up the letter I thought about all the times I heard written communication described as “passive aggressive.” This is definitely from a neurotypical perspective. I wonder how many of these “passive aggressive” notes and letters are a last resort by neurotypicals whose needs are being misunderstood or ignored?

    3. I made a schedule. Important routines such as meals, afternoon downtime, and bedtime are fixed and in red. Places to eat that meet sensory needs have been decided in advance.

    4. I also included an informational packet. I printed some of my favorite pages from Andi Putt’s Autism Handbook(not an affiliate, just love her) and bound them in a paper folder. I put a sticky note that said, “More info. Please read the bits I highlighted.” I also printed a copy to bring with me so I can refer to it if I feel stuck in the moment.

    Does that sound brave?

    It was.

    I am still incredibly nervous about how these boundaries will be responded to.

    It has taken a lot of work to get here, but at this point I would be unable to visit extended family without these supports.

    Since becoming a mum I’ve noticed that I have less capacity to mask than I used to. And I simply cannot push past my limits without hitting a brick wall. Our last family visit ended with a panic attack and a mental health spiral that almost landed me in a mental hospital. The stakes are high.

    I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have anguished for years over how to set boundaries and what boundaries would even help.

    During pregnancy I signed up to therapy for support setting the postpartum boundaries I needed. But I was invalidated by a therapist who didn’t understand autism. If you’re looking for support try to find someone who gets it or they could do more harm than good.

    Four years later I finally worked up the courage to ask for what I need thank to support and validation from @autistic_therapist Steph Jones in a 1:1 coaching session earlier this year.

    Before I could set boundaries I had to internalize the fact that my needs (and Davy’s needs) are valid. And I had to stop trying to make boundaries that were “reasonable” so I could ask for what we really needed.

    What boundaries did I set?

    Most of us haven’t seen this type of boundary setting modeled. So I am sharing some of the areas we asked for support. We all have different needs so your supports will be different.

    Don’t use this as a framework, but as inspiration to set the boundaries you need.

    1. Space – a private space to decompress. (We booked an Air B&B that fits our sensory and social needs rather than staying with a family member.)

    2. Overstimulation – limiting the number of auditory inputs at one time.

    3. Social overwhelm – limiting the amount of people present. (For us this means more intimate visits and not including the entire extended family.)

    4. Structure – we will be following our schedule for meals, downtime, and bedtime. Others are free to join us or not.

    5. Respect – I have asked that preferences to not be touched, photographed, talk, or make eye contact be respected.

    That’s it! Please wish us luck and send any positive vibes, prayers, energy, our way.

    Cheers,

    Sarah

    Kindle Curiosity is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    *Because of privacy issues my insurance is one exception that refuses to speak to my husband on the phone. I have yet to find a workaround and we struggle through the calls together on speakerphone. If you have advice for this navigating supports in health care / insurance settings please share.

    Originally published at neurodivergentspacetime.substack.com on November 18, 2022.

  • I'm doing something scary. 😱

    Read my NaNoWriMo Rough Draft 🫣

    I had other plans for this week’s Substack, but Davy’s been sick and we didn’t have our sitter long enough to record a podcast.

    So I’m doing something scary. I’m sharing a bit of my NaNoWriMo rough draft.

    Shout out to Gracie Klumpp who is sharing her WHOLE NaNo as she writes it over on Patreon. She is my hero.

    My novel is a complete mess right now. But I have pulled out two scenes that are vaguely coherent, but also raw and unedited.

    Here is the first…

    Mawd took a deep breath and looked up at the stars. The moonlight pooled around them lighting the forest in a pale blue light. Her shadow joined back to her feet in its rightful place. She waggled her hand at herself in greeting.

    Duncan’s eyebrow arched. Mawd stifled a laugh.

    The midwives glanced at each other. They knew.

    “It is time.” One said.

    “Attend. It is the time of the joining.”

    They gestured with their arms wide and stepped back, Mawd and Duncan intuitively doing the same, to widen the circle.

    Malwen reached her hands up to the sky,

    “Attend ye beasts of the sky.” And with a rustle a flurry of birds came to roost on the trees above. Owls, robins, sparrows, starlings, kestrels, all seated respectfully next to each other on branches watching in anticipation.

    Bryn held her palms out, arms bent at the elbow, “Attend ye beasts of the wood.” And the forest creatures from both land and water hopped, crept, and slithered into a protective circle around them.

    Mawd drew in her breath. There were black bears, deer, tiny frogs, and snakes and salamanders, spiders, and snails. And among them the glow of fireflies. The light reflected in the eyes of every living creature their attention fixed onto Mawd. Not just the group of humans, but specifically Mawd. Each one seemed to look into her soul.

    The midwives gestured again and they closed the circle tightly again, holding hands. Malwen squeezed Duncan’s hand who squeezed Bryn’s hand who squeezed Mawd’s hand. Mawd tried not to fixate on comparing how this ritual was being done to what would have been required at the palace, but it seemed different in immeasurable ways.

    Malwen and Bryn guided Duncan and Mawd’s hands inward, stepping to make the circle even tighter, and outward. Inward and outward. Feet following along in a folk dance. Mawd was so focused on the motions she hadn’t noticed Malwen was chanting in a language she didn’t understand. Bryn echoed.

    Enaid y perthynas. Enaid y perthynas. Yn y tywyllwch lle rydych chi’n gorwedd. Y tywyll du dwfn. Gwrandewch. Gwrandewch. Gwrandewch.

    (Soul of the kin. Soul of the kin. In the dark where you lie. The deep black dark. Listen. Listen. Listen.)

    The circle began to spin waterwise, then windwise.

    The content below was originally paywalled.

    Feet stepping lightly. Not in dance, but in rhythm. Suddenly with a hush the walking stopped and Malwen nodded to Mawd. This was her turn now.

    She opened her mouth and began to sing a wordless lullaby. Her voice echoed and reverberated through the forest. Slowly it faded to silence.

    The midwives looked on with encouragement then closed their eyes. This part of the ritual had been to bring awareness of the mortal realm to the underworld. The midwives had thinned the veil and Mawd had cried out in song for the soul kin to recognize her.

    Now the midwives – Malwen specifically, would guide the soul and help it make the jump from one realm to the next. Mawd felt nervous. She didn’t know what to expect.

    Slowly Maude noticed the fireflies surrounding the circle spinning faster and faster. They blurred into a bar of pure light. Then a million tiny sparks of light appeared surrounding Mawd. It was as if she was standing in a sea of stars. And in that sea one light glowed brighter than the rest. It pulsed with the beat of her heart. Unbidden she reached toward it and there was a flash of light expanding outwards from the point. It came with a clap of sound and a whoosh of wind and Mawd was knocked off her feet into a heap on the ground. It all happened so quickly all she remembered was reaching for the light and hitting her head.

    And another bit from earlier in the timeline… this is more of a character sketch.

    Maude sat tinkering at her workbench, fingers nimbly aligning cogs and wheels and screws in the automaton she were making for the royal heir. Her mind clear of all of the thoughts and anxieties that normally clouded it. The workbench made everything fall away.

    A small brass screw pinged out of place and bounced across the floor. Maude reached a long arm with greased stained fingers to reach its place on the floor. She could feel her shoulder slightly subluxate out of joint as she grasped the tiny threads with calloused fingers.

    Sitting back up with a groan she pulled her magnifying goggles down into place. Trying to work without goggles is why the screw flew away in the first place. But they pressed on the temples and Maude would have a headache if she wore them for long.

    Furrowing a brow and working quickly and carefully the tiny screw slotted in and tightened to hold everything into place.

    Breathing out with a huff she set the tiny automaton down. This work was meant to distract her for hours yet, but now it was done too soon.

    She peered over the top of the lenses and took it in. The automaton was a tiny brass bird. It had wings made of worn bits of metal and tiny delicate feet from bits of discarded jewelry. Maude was like a magpie always gathering up bits and bobs that were discarded around the palace. Some of them were truly valuable, but her owners had no use for a broken bit of necklace or a cabochon without its gemstone. Gems would be reset in new cabochons and the pure gold would be seen as a bit of worthless trash. So it would wait, abandoned in a dark corner, to be discovered by a small child or Maude. Maude had indeed started this habit as a child, but never left it off. She did many things her peers considered childish, but she couldn’t understand why adults were meant to be so boring and lifeless.

    It was absurd to everyone in the palace that a royal of Maude’s stature would sit up in the loft of the castle barn fashioning bits of metal into sculptures when she could be down at the ball swanning around the dance floor in silks. These mating rituals were ridiculous. Maude couldn’t understand them.

    She pushed the goggles back into her auburn hair leaving a grease streak along her temple and felt the flood of anxiety come rushing back.

    And a messy bit to show what I do when I change things on the fly or write something I immediately disagree with (I have a strict no backspace policy during NaNoWriMo.)

    All of the magic that was in her returning to the underworld where it was WAITSHESHOULDHAVETRAVELEDTOTHEUNDERWORLDTOSTEALTHISMAGIC-HOWDIDIMISSTHATOPPORUTNITY.OK.CHANGETHAT.

    😂😂😂

    I’m basically crazy quilting a story together, but it’s fun. It may take me a decade to finish, but I can see the bones now and they are laced with magic.

    Ok, off to bed now and scheduling this to go out tomorrow.

    Sarah

  • November is for Noveling

    Your Invitation to Write (Yes, You!)

    If you haven’t heard of NaNoWriMo it is short for November is National Novel Writing Month. The idea is to write 1,667 words a day and end up with a 50,000 word first draft by the end of the month. (You can also go full NaNo Rebel and change the word count or work on a different project.)

    I’ve been participating on and off since high school and love it for moving past perfectionism and quarantining my inner critic.

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    Here’s what I wrote about NaNo on my blog last year…

    Growing up I would write a novel every year for NaNoWriMo. Somehow I even managed to crank out 50,000 words during grad school. But that NaNo, 10 years ago, was my last.

    Somehow after graduating and becoming “an adult” I’ve had an impossibly hard time with fiction. I suddenly felt like writing was a waste of time unless I was “good enough” to be traditionally published.

    But I’ve been chipping away at my addiction to perfection and thanks to the incredible modeling of my creative coach Amie McNee I am going back to my roots. I’m writing a story this month that I’m really excited about. Just to play.

    When it’s done, if I want to share it, I’m prepared to choose myself. The gatekeepers aren’t even invited to the party. My new fiction goal – whether with this story or another – is to self publish. But first, a messy first draft. Because mess is magic. ✨

    Reader, I did it.

    I wrote 50,000 words of a very messy novel. And it sat on my hard drive for a year while I finished publishing Discover Your Creative Ecosystem. Tomorrow I’m returning to my fiction story. I’m going to start from scratch and take the same story seed in a different direction. I’ve been ruminating on it for twelve months now and have some exciting ideas!

    I’m not sure if I’ll reach 50,000 words. Davy’s not in school and I doubt I’ll have much solo studio writing time. Plus our first trip to see extended family since COVID times. But…

    As I recently shared on Instagram,

    Every word we write is one we didn’t have before.

    Next week I’m diving into my story idea with paid subscribers.

    I’m going deep and sharing the heart of the story I want to write and why I’ve decided to take my time writing it.

    Happy Noveling,

    Sarah

    Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.