There is no paywall. This resource is free to all.
Should you choose to support this project you can pledge to the paid tier here or at Neurokind.
Donations for this project will specifically be used toward neurodiversity affirming resources or providing copies of How it Feels to Me to schools, libraries, and families who cannot afford to buy one.
This is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
You can also send a one time donation directly to me through Venmo. (If you do, please include a note so I know what it’s for.)
This video is specifically the sensory overload video without the full hour training. Feel free to share this with friends, family, or schools who might benefit.
A collection of rabbit holes from September and October and an invitation to share your own. 🐇 I missed sending this out in September so you get a double whammy.
Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Watch
These have been two excellent months for television.
I am (of course) watching Rings of Power. It’s designed by Weta Workshop so its visually stunning, but I’m also impressed at how this show is taking its time. As a hobbit at heart I really love the Harfoots (even if they may be taking liberties with the Middle Earth timeline.)
The casting is perfect. And I am in love with the costume design for Numenor – just look at that Art Nouveau / Pre-Raphaelite inspiration. 😍
And A+ for representation. Years ago, I was horrified to realize the only people of color in the Peter Jackson film’s were orcs. (Check out this video of every line spoken by a POC which only adds up to 0:46 seconds total.) 😳
We’ve also started watching Star Trek Strange New Worlds and y’all… it is SO GOOD.
It is by far the best Star Trek show out there and captures everything about what makes Star Trek worth watching. The heart of Star Trek is about respect and collaboration among people from different cultures as well as exploring contemporary ethical issues with some metaphorical distance from real life. It’s amazing how different issues look when they are separated from their well worn context. This is (one reason) I love sci fi and fantasy.
Growing up Star Trek was only vague a cultural touchstone for me (even as a kid I related to Data), but as nerdlyweds Nathan & I watched through every series (except The Original Series. Captain Kirk felt deeply misogynistic for me and I just couldn’t stomach it.)
While I have a special place in my heart for Captains Picard and Janeway, I really love Pike and hope this series will have many seasons to come.
Books
My current spooky read is Small Town Big Magic, which is giving me Gilmore Girls meets Hocus Pocus vibes. I’m only two chapters in so I can’t say if I’d recommend it yet, but as this one is seasonal I’m plonking it in now.
A couple months ago I finally finished my massive re-read of The Wheel of Time.
Since then I’ve been binge reading the Grishaverse series by Leigh Bardugo. It’s darker than I usually read*, but I love her characters. As the cast grows I really relate to so many neurodivergent traits. So that has kept me reading even when the circumstances are grim. (You can get a taste of it via the Netflix series which is rated TV-14.)
*Content warning, although most of the darkness is not explicit. If you’re a sensitive reader you may want to check out content warnings for each book on Storygraph.
After that I read Among the Beasts and Briars which a fluffy light fairy tale that balanced it all out. (How gorgeous is this cover design?!)
For Kids (& Young at Heart)
One morning when I was desparate to put something low key on the TV we stumbled upon this dominoes video. It’s such a wonderful visual and auditory stim. Davy was mesmerized and watched the whole 20 minutes.
It was so fun we bought out own dominoes kit to play with. We lucked into a wooden HAPE set which is 50% off right now and comes lots of fun pieces like a set of stairs and whirligigs.
Davy doesn’t have the patience for anything elaborate, but we have had fun making short lines and its great for hand eye coordination, gentle touch, and patience. Seriously, this is the best $20 I’ve spent in months.
Substack
I’m still really enjoying the longform content on Substack. Here are some of my favorite posts this month.
First is a podcast post! I love a ramble podcast. This is my friend Claire sharing a bit about her day. (She also has a journal coming out soon so be sure to check that out.)
P.S. This newsletter is a labor of love that takes 2-3 hours out of my week. (A miracle I have time for it thinking back to newborn days.)
Sometimes typing away while Nathan does bedtime (as he tonight.) Sometimes on my phone while Davy (gasp) watches TV. And sometimes properly on my laptop during “working hours”. If you want to chip in toward our sitter fees you can become a paying subscriber (complete with extra content).
Or sponsor a cup of loose leaf tea (to get me through these evening writing sessions) through Venmo @sarahdshotts.
I truly appreciate each of you. You can also support by leaving a like or comment. This lets me know my words are landing and that connection is worth all the sunbursts and marble halls money could buy. ✨
The whole plot revolves around repairing the time machine’s flux capacitor – the bit that makes it possible to travel through time.
While I was editing the first draft I connected the words fluctuate and capacity. My geek brain immediately jumped to flux capacitor. So I’ve decided to illustrate this newsletter with Back to the Future gifs.
Ok, let me get back on track.
Neurodivergent brains are always taking in more sensory input than our neurotypical peers. That means our capacity (our ability to do things) is always fluctuating depending on our environment and life circumstances.
Before parenthood I could pretty much always push past my limits. I had the capacity to manage a lot of things in my work because of the priviledge and flexibility in my personal life. I had time and space to reset and recover in my own time.
But parenting is an energetic and sensorial drain. Meanwhile I have fewer supports like adequate sleep, solitude to reset, and extra time to transition or complete tasks.
When new parenthood met pandemic life I quickly learned my capacity is insepearble from my supports and whether my autistic needs are being met.
(Can of worms, but capacity is often referred to by the outdated term “functioning level” which is inaccurately imagined as fixed.)
The idea that we have a fluctuating capacity to focus, or be organized, or get stuff done is often hard for neurotypicals to understand. When someone sees we’re able to drive or cook or talk to a room full of people they might assume we can do these things all the time. Or they may not realize the toll it takes on us before and afterward.
The smallest factor can tip the scale and drain our capacity. And so our ability varies every day.
One day I might bake from scratch sourdough banana bread.
The next day I might not be able to prepare any food at all.
A neurodiversity affirming approach means having supports and alternatives in place when capacity does not match intentions.
In the case of food that might be: batch cooking when capacity is high, grab and go food, healthy snacks, ordering takeout, or asking for help. Or in my case setting a timer to make sure I prepare meals in advance because I can’t cook if I’m hungry.
I’ve learned the hard way that if I push beyond my capacity it can take months or more to recover.
So I’m cultivating awareness of my own capacity. And I’m learning to make adjustments. This is incredibly hard and not at all intuitive.
Neurodivergent folk often hyper focus on something to the point our physical bodies melt away.
This is one reason we end up overcommitting. We take on projects when are running high on hyper focus and when we land in our bodies realize we’ve taken on too much.
Other times our environment or circumstances change.
This has happened to me with this project.
I had a vision for sending out book chapters every month, but that structure isn’t aligned with my current capacity.
Past me would have pushed myself into burn out. But I am learning to make adjustments for my current energy levels. Rather than seeing this as a failure I am trying to reframe it as a strength.
Often, especially for austitics, black and white thinking can keep us from even seeing the option to restructure commitments, take a break, or ask for help.
Bonus content!
I’m fascinated / obsessed with the idea that ADHD & Autism may be part of the same spectrum. Both diagnosis profiles are based on outdated stereotypes and external behaviors versus internal experiences.
Here are two neuroscience studies exploring how there may not be a scientific basis for separate diagnosis.
So many of us found our place in the world by being “organized” or “helpful”. We’re white knuckling our way through the world clinging to those moments of praise and think that’s where our worth is.
Meanwhile we’re doing real harm to ourselves trying to maintain impossible levels of professionalism and productivity so we don’t appear “lazy” or “flighty”.
How perfectly neurodivergent is this Maria song? (Sorry not sorry for my segueway from Sci Fi to Musical Theatre. It’s who I am.) 😂
Do you struggle with knowing your capacity or managing commitments?
How do you know when you’ve taken on too much?
Originally published to neurodivergentspacetime.substack.com on October 7, 2022.
“AI Art” has been changing quickly. Over the past few months images created by AI are become more and more sophisticated. During this time the companies involved have not prioritized ethics or put the needed measures in place to prevent plagiarism. I am taking a break while they sort out the ethics. I see “AI” as Pandora’s Box and I don’t think it’s going anywhere. But we need to create systems that allow artists to opt out or limitations on how closely any image can resemble one of its reference images.
I would be very interested in an AI that only pulled from art that is in the public domain. This is what I used for my own prompts when exploring this new technology as you can see in my original post below.
I’ve been noodling around with “AI Art” this summer. Basically I’ve been doing this in the fragmented moments I would usually be scrolling Instagram.
Right away I noticed most of what I was hearing about “AI Art” was misleading. I think it’s actually pretty exciting (yes, even for artists) and deeply misunderstood.
I’ve been testing out this technology for a few months now, and I’m not remotely afraid that it will replace human artists.
But I do think it will change art.
Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Before we jump in let’s be clear…
AI is not an artist.
AI is not intelligent.
So, maybe its the nerd in me, but when I hear “Artificial Intelligence” I picture Data from Star Trek.
We are not there yet.
To simplify a long conversation with my computer engineer husband…
AI is just math.
The programmers created an algorithm (yes, just like on Instagram) to generate an image based on a prompt. And it’s following its programming.
It’s a glorified calculator.
I’ve generated images like the one above using Midjourney. The words in quotation marks are the final prompts. I’ve also included the date. This is important because of updates to the algorithm. The results I have now are drastically different than what I was getting in July.
When you see headlines saying,
“This Magazine Cover Was Designed by AI.”
It just… wasn’t.
Here’s what happens,
Human engineers create an algorithm.
Human inputs prompt, “Art droid.”
Mathematical algorithm determines what pixels to make what color.
Human is given four tiny blurry images to choose between.
Human makes a choice to: A. upscale image B. continue generating new iterations C. change the prompt
Human would then combine image and text to create print ready file for the magazine cover.
But “Human Uses New Technology to Design Magazine Cover” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
What’s important here is that the AI did NOT…
Choose to illustrate a magazine cover.
Choose the prompt.
Choose between the generated images.
Choose when to stop iterating.
A human made all those decisions. The human is deciding what to communicate and which image best does the job.
Its also important to understand that it can take dozens or even hundreds of iterations and prompt adjustments to get a final image. It’s like the longest eye exam of all time.
Without sentience AI cannot “make art.”
But it can be a tool for artists.
(Someone please write a sci fi novel where sentient AI want to make art and not war.)
Now, are there ethical issues? Yes.
But they are the same ones that plague every creative endeavor. (I’ll talk about those more at the end.)
Setting those aside, I see the development of AI as analogous to the invention of photography.
Before photography paintings looked a lot like this…
Shortly after photography was invented Impressionism was born.
Cameras did not replace artists. Instead the rise of photography led to innovation. It encouraged artists to pursue the type of art that a camera could never make.
I believe AI will be the same. It will push artists into making new and innovative kinds of art. Maybe it will even increase the value and appreciation of art made by hand.
Photography also became a tool used by traditional artists for reference images and inspiration. As well as an art medium in its own right.
Fine artists who are experimenting with apps like Midjourney are calling this medium “Generative Art”. They are using it mindfully (going through many iterations and utilizing advanced methods I haven’t described here.) These artists may go on to further alter images or combine with other mediums.
Random humans and techies might luck into some good images, but artists have the experience and vocabulary to intentionally push the iterations in an certain direction. Because of this artists are also more likely to be “good” at generative art. Everything we know about composition, color, texture, design, art history, etc. will inform the choices we make.
I think the potential for this technology lies in cases where original artwork would not be commissioned anyway. Newsletters, social media posts, etc. And as a tool for artists.
Here are 4 ways “AI Art” could be used for creative projects:
Concept art for writers and storytellers to communicate their process.
Textures and images for collage artists to use in their work.
A series of images that can be combined into an animation.
Uploading original imagery to iterate on your own work.
Now, coming back to the ethical issues.
As always, it’s important to be respectful of other artists.
While Midjourney can replicate (some) artistic styles you obviously wouldn’t want to copy the style of a living artist in your own work. That wouldn’t be ethical. Just as it wouldn’t be ethical to photograph someone’s work and sell prints.
But you might juxtapose the styles and mediums of historical artists to create interesting effects. The same way these artists can influence your traditional artistic style. I think as an artist its best to really know the source material you are invoking so you can make the call on when it is too referential and when you are on to something new.
It is my understanding that Midjourney, in particular, has been trained on a specific data set of images and does not continuously refer to Google. (My understanding from this article with its creator.) They have been very mindful of giving it a limited set of images to create a more painterly style (and prevent photorealism).
The founder also mentions the possibility for artists to “opt out” of being part of the data set in the future. (Similar to how artists can opt out of Pinterest.)
Another ethical issue is that any AI trained on human culture will inherit its cultural biases. Because of this algorithms are much more likely to depict white humans. And to gender roles in an outdated way.
The last update made some huge improvements depicting humans and I hope they will continue resolving this. For now Midjourney suggests specifying the race or gender you want depicted and it does a pretty good job following that direction.
Overall I think it’s worth a play to understand what “AI Art” really is.
What I’m finding most interesting at the moment is using Midjourney to develop concept art for the book I’m writing. Similarly to how I would have used Pinterest images to make mood boards in the past.
I’d love to share what I’ve learned with anyone who wants to play.
So I’m hosting an AI Character Challenge in October.
You can participate with Midjourney’s free beta test (which comes with around 25 free prompts / images.) Prompts are for character creation, but you could tweak them for other projects.
I think this will be so fun! Especially for anyone planning to do NaNoWriMo.
Let me know in comments if you’d like to join in! I’m still deciding on a platform. Leaning toward Voxer or Discord so we could easily share images and be inspired by each other.
Here are a few of the characters I’ve been playing around with…
Thank you for reading Down the Rabbit Hole. Have a friend who might be curious about AI Art? Click to share.
It’s pretty amazing isn’t it? If you stop to look at an illustrated face (particularly a stylized one like those above) each of the individual lines are actually pretty simple. It’s the way they’re all arranged that give the faces expression and character.
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A few weeks ago I woke up and started writing a children’s book. Just typing lines into my Notes app. We read picture books all the time so perhaps this was inevitable. 😂
I’ve decided to tackle my fear of drawing faces to see if I could perhaps illustrate it too.
The first step was noticing that most children’s characters actually have stylized faces. I started by photographing faces on Davy’s toys and noticing how simple they can be. Just dots for eyes and a little swoop of a mouth.
During my time as an art major I only had two assignments drawing people. They were meant to be super realistic and were the lowest art grades I ever received. I went on to draw some decent humans in costume design class, but the focus was on the garments and their faces were quite stoic.
I realized I’ve never properly attempted stylized faces, or considered how they are different than a hyper realistic style.
Next, I pulled down a stack of children’s books off our shelf and copying faces in lots of different styles. (See above.) I wouldn’t copy these in my own work, but I did this to study the lines used and see if I “could” draw stylized faces. For a first go I think I’ve done pretty well so now it’s down to practicing and developing my own style.
I’ll walk you through how it’s been going.
The content below was originally paywalled.
I wanted direction so I started two courses for drawing people by Bardot Brush (it’s free!) and Lila Rogers (which I caught on half price.) They are both great at breaking the face down and make it all feel do-able.
According to the time stamp I started drawing faces on September 7 so it’s been a couple of weeks.
Lilla’s first lesson is tracing photographs. This assignment is focused on observing proportions in real life faces. This is really important, because the “rules” traditionally taught for drawing faces are based on average white males.
Looking at real faces you’ll see how sizes and shapes of features vary.
After tracing she has a fun homework assignment for illustrating faces based on different sizes and shapes (ex. small eyes, big nose, average ears, bushy eyebrows).
It really helps to have a playful approach.
After this exercise I decided to draw a bunch of faces on a character.
I traced John Tenniel’s card from Alice in Wonderland and drew lots of different faces. This one is simple, but does the job.
Then I had another go using a minimalist approach with dots for eyes and simple mouths.
Then I added skin tones and white to the eyes. (This wasn’t an assignment, just me playing. I noticed a lot of Davy’s books illustrated the white of eyes in this way, which is very different than outlining.
Below are the rest of the faces I drew on Tenniel’s card man. I’m noticing how much difference line thickness and scale makes.
I am drawing a lot of bad faces to learn how to draw good ones. Occasionally I will land on a line or shape I really like and try to focus on that (like the lips on the bottom middle face.)
I’ve also played around a bit with stylizing photographs.
I’m still not sure if I will end up illustrating this book, but it’s fun to learn something new. (It’s also awkward and cringe and I want to delete half of these images, but I’m challenging myself to share.)
It’s hard to let yourself be a beginner sometimes, but we always have the capacity to learn something new if we can keep our ego out of the way.
In the spirit of messy middles (and messy beginnings) I’ve revived @messymiddleclub as a secondary IG feed where I document my process without curating it. You can tag your messy middle posts and I’ll do features in stories.
(It’s making me wait two weeks to add my name because I changed my mind about it.)
P.S. I’ve just remembered October is Inktober and there are dozens of daily drawing prompts. It’s a fun time to be focused on drawing. The official prompt list is below, but you can find lots of alternatives searching the hashtag #inktober2022prompts. (Or make your own.) I joined in when Davy was a newborn and it was a lot of fun. I did a lot of iPad drawings while he slept in my lap.
This is a long one so put the kettle on and get comfy.
A round up of what I’ve been making for the past month or so…
First an update on parenting.
The short version is that we’ve decided to home educate. (Scroll to the first image for art content.)
For lots of complicated reasons school didn’t work out. I don’t need to get into the details, but ultimately we decided the funds we were putting toward tuition would be better spent on someone who could help out 1:1 at home.
That means I’ll have fewer hours of childcare, but hopefully we won’t be sick all the time. (The last two years I’ve been telling Patreon we were sick again every single month.I’m finally realizing that what we are an immunocompromised family and what we’re experiencing was not normal.)
We’re still getting over fevers from the short time Davy was at school so we are taking this transition slowly and not rushing it.
Meanwhile I’ve been making a LOT.
Making is truly a self regulation tool for me.
So I’ve been turning to ways we can fold art and making into our days.
Davy is finally to that magic age where he can sit at the table with me and draw or stand at the counter and mix sourdough starter. This is the part of motherhood I was most looking forward to so I’m glad he’ll be home and we can have more adventures together.
Drawing
I make art all the time, but at some point I became scared of drawing. Growing up and in undergrad courses I drew all the time. I never questioned whether I could draw something or if it was any good. I just got on with it.
Then I went a decade or so without drawing.
Now I feel incredibly rusty.
But (rust and all) I sat down at the kitchen table with Davy and joined The Good Ship Illustration’s art club. What I love about drawing is how simple it is. It’s not messy. It’s not stressful. And it’s perfect for parallel play.
I find this way of drawing to be an exercise in seeing.
I used Davy’s Stabilo Woody pencils and the chunky bold lines meant I couldn’t be precious about it.
But also there’s something alive about this way of drawing that my old perfectionist self never tapped into.
Since that day we’ve pulled out our sketchbooks and drawn together most afternoons.
I foresee lots of drawing at the kitchen table in the weeks to come.
Maybe I will remember how to see.
Writing
I’ve accepted that pivoting our school / childcare plans means my book release may shift, and that’s okay. It may take some time to find the right person to help out at home and we don’t want to rush it.
Rather than pushing myself into burn out I am taking things slowly.
I’ve been mindful of tending my own creative ecosystem through this process and observing what it needs.
Last weekend Nathan watched Davy while I fixed all of the images for my book. I tweaked saturation and brightness in photos that were printing too dull and standardized all of the crop ratios.
Slow progress is progress.
I’m going to continue making the final edits piece by piece and hope to order the next proof later this month.
Soft Sculpture
This week I’ve also revived my soft sculpture. I started this two years ago, but put it away in favor of weaving (because it was more toddler friendly.) Last year I picked it up again, only to find Davy was still too curious about the needle, and put it down in favor of experiments with 360 VR.
Both times I made a few “brain noodles” before pivoting, but couldn’t gain any forward momentum. This week I’m finally gaining traction and I think I’m almost halfway done!
The final piece will be a sculptural brain made of Davy’s baby clothes (including his “coming home” onesie, the pair of pants he took his first step in, a maternity shirt of mine, baby washcloth, etc.) It will be a representation of the soft emotional memories I’ve made over these past few years of parenting.
(There are a few process videos on Instagram if you’re curious to see more. They are saved to my WIP highlight.)
Art & Advocacy
Part of my graduate studies encompassed Art for Social Change and I’ve noticed my own art practice converging with my advocacy. It feels like coming full circle.
When I make art that speaks to my lived experience it is intrinsically tied to my neurodivergence. This wasn’t conscious when I titled the My Brain on Motherhood series, but adds another layer of meaning and focus to the body of work.
Then there is the direct advocacy and educational work I began this summer with my anonymous project Neurodivergent Spacetime.
There is so much potential for these practices to overlap and intersect.
For example, when I filmed this for my Neurodiversity training I knew I wanted a silent version for my art portfolio. The voice over is an educational tool and the silent version (which I have yet to edit) will be a fine art piece.
Both are advocacy.
I’m interested in exploring this intersection further as I create more pieces about neurodivergence and autism.
Sewing
My mom can sew absolutely anything. Growing up we put her to the test with various Halloween costumes and Daisy Kingdom dresses (oh, the puffed sleeves!)
She went back to university in her 50s and studied costuming. She made everything from boned corsets to Madame de Pompadour’s panniers (the really wide skirts you have to navigate through doorways sideways.)
She taught us the sewing basics growing up, but I always preferred her to sew things for me. (I mean, when your mom is a sewing super hero, why bother?) Lately, I’ve been making an effort to sew myself (even if the results are kind of wonky) and have managed a few small projects.
Today she brought over her serger and she watched Davy while I made these…
(It’s hard to show it in a photo really, hence the weird head tilted pose. You’re welcome.)
They’re essentially stretchy headscarf’s that wrap over the back of your head and twist in the front. The Land Girl look without fussing with silk scarves and bobby pins. I sewed FOUR of these up while mum watched Davy.
I’m going to make headbands next, but ran out of time today.
They are imperfect, but wearable. Massive success!
I am hoping for more imperfect sewing in the weeks to come. If you’d like to make one the pattern I used is here. (I didn’t line mine and serged the edges instead so they wouldn’t be too warm. Maybe I’ll make winter versions another time.)
Baking
Davy & I started two more sourdough starters (white flour and locally milled rye) right before we all caught the crud. This has happened literally every time I make a sourdough starter. Right when its getting all bubbly and magical we get sick.
But now that we won’t have a constant influx of school germs I am hoping we can stay well enough to finish these off. Right now they are languishing in the back of the fridge until I can revive them.
Substack is warning this email is almost too long / large so I’d better wrap this up.
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An imperfect video for you today! I am hoping by releasing my grip on perfectionism I can show up in more varied ways (video, audio, etc.)
Today I’m sharing a peek into my creative process. I made this notebook for tracking works-in-progress and project ideas back in March. (You may remember the reel I posted.)
I haven’t updated it much since then, but I do think it’s working for me.
Do you have a system for tracking progress or collecting project ideas?
I’d love to hear.
P.S. It has been quite the week (I shared more about that in my last update) so I am doing this on my phone today which weirdly won’t let me add functional links. 😐 If you’re looking for the reel where I set this up you can copy paste this URL or just scroll back through my IG feed. 🙃
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CanTrskJzZj
P.P.S. Google results support my instinct to use the upside down smiley, but also why I am confused about its meaning. For anyone else who finds this emoji confusing…
Clear as mud? My intention was “frustrated resignation.” Did I do it right? 😂
By the time I’m comfortable using something it’s usually outdated.
ROFLOL 😉
Who remembers the good old days? When we had to make our own smiley faces from scratch.
I’m drafting this as I sit snotty and phlegmy on the couch while Davy watches Twirlywoos for the fourth day in a row. I considered putting off this week‘s Substack, but I finished the book series I was binge reading and my mind needs something to anchor on.
Our fevers have passed, and the COVID tests are negative, but my cough has moved into my chest and I’m not sure how long it’s going to linger.
This week has been rough, and not just because of the sickness.
I don’t even know where to begin.
The content below was originally paywalled.
Davy started back to Montessori school last week. As you know they asked me to present about neurodiversity and have been very open to learning how they can support him.
But even with the accommodations offered to us, it wasn’t enough.
What we really needed was an extra year in the Toddler class (which is set up for kids with emerging language skills). But Arkansas laws won’t allow that.
Meanwhile, our whole family fell sick.
After being well for the entire summer.
We are finally realizing that we’re an immunocompromised family and what knocks out most kids for a day or two will make our whole family sick for 2-4 weeks. We’ve been sick for a huge amount of the last two years.
This was the final straw and a huge factor in the overall risk / reward equation.
For now we’ve decided to keep Davy home where he can be in an environment that fits his needs with people that can understand his communication.
And I’ve spent the last week picking out stitches so I can start over with stronger thread.
The work of advocacy that preceded this pushed me far beyond my limits. I was hemorraging energy, masking my own needs, and sick with anxiety that made me physically nauseas.
I have so much respect and admiration for those of you who are doing ongoing advocacy in schools. The work is HARD, and thankless.
Thank you for advocating for your kids. Remember to advocate for yourself as well. Every time we question the system and ask for what we need we are making ripples that will change the world.
The moment we made a decision to step away I knew it was right.
I’m feeling at peace.
It may take another week or so to fight off these sinus infections, but after that we’ll figure it out.
Maybe next week we’ll go out to the studio together, but for now I’ll keep hiding Benadryl in peanut butter sandwiches and wiping snotty noses.
This month I’m combining our new link up with my monthly favorites (books I’m reading, podcasts I’m listening to, etc.) I started this draft weeks ago and have been adding links when I find something worth sharing.
Just one more step toward finding creative flow here on Substack.
Down the Rabbit Hole is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
It’s been a summer for dark magic on TV. After Davy goes down we’ve enjoyed Locke & Key, Stranger Things, and Umbrella Academy. They’re all slightly different vibes (and content ratings.) I love seeing more people enjoying sci fi and fantasy stories. They can give us a metaphorical distance to explore the darkness in life.
I bought Davy a calculator and he thinks it’s a portable phone. 😂 He’s carried it around all day and is also practicing counting with it. The best $2 I have ever spent.
He is also really into water painting. How satisfying is this? You paint with water and then it disappears when it dries.
I made these years ago to practice brush lettering and it is fun to see them have a second life. I bought “magic water painting paper” and mounted it to artist hardboard. We have red, green, and black.
I bet this would even work on construction paper, slate, or a dark rock. I just love how its the fun of painting with NO MESS.
I’ve linked the paper we use and a few other options here.
A note about affiliate links.
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Months ago I scribbled “orbiting ideas” on an index card. What I meant at the time was the feeling of having an idea, forgetting it, returning to the idea, not having energy of it, leaving it, and finally meeting that idea when the time was right.
I used to fight this.
Or feel extremely guilty about it.
But I’m learning that this rhythm is actually a healthy part of my creative ecosystem.
Rather than living in a perpetual state of creative burn out (I’m looking at you 2018) I’m even more productive since following the gravitational pull of my own orbit.
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It can be frustrating gliding right past a shiny idea that’s just out of reach. Or catapulting through sparkling space dust that you know is magic, but you can’t quite make out.
For example, right now I’m curious about the hard science of orbit and how NASA calculates the trajectory of space craft. 🚀
But, Davy’s at the end of his nap, Nathan is ready for dinner, and I find myself skimming right past.
That doesn’t mean I have to give up on the idea. I mean, it sounds fascinating (if potentially a little math heavy). Maybe when I reread the Lady Astronaut series I’ll revisit the idea and Hank Green will have made the perfect accessible Sci Show video to explain.
(Ok, while I was looking for an image to put here I found this link. This is why I have 500 tabs open on my phone.)
Trusting that I will come back to the mechanics of orbiting at some point I’m moving on. I think you get the basic idea.
So many of us, especially neurodivergent creators, are shamed for “shiny object syndrome” or “project hopping” or “lack of focus.”
But what I’m experiencing is far from a lack of focus, it’s extreme (yet somewhat unwieldy) hyperfocus. And when I let my hyperfocus take the lead I fall into a deeply productive creative flow.
This is how I’ve made more art and drafted three books in three years since my son has been born. The years before were a wash of structured “productivity” during which I spent a lot of time working, but didn’t engage very deeply in my creative work.
Over the summer I’ve been preparing to give a talk on neurodiversity for my son’s school. When I started researching and the pull toward going deeper and deeper got stronger and stronger like I was being tugged into a black hole.
… I may have accidentally started writing another book.
And another chapter for my creative ecosystem book.
I’m going to ride this out and when Davy starts school I should have enough control of the spacecraft to land on a cozy asteroid and finish up Discover Your Creative Ecosystem.
For me to control the spacecraft I need a certain amount of quiet time to reset from the overstimulation of motherhood. Otherwise our escape pod is just spinning and I am putting out endless fires.
I’m also having a lot of fun with the space imagery for this project inspired by the term neurodivergent space time which I coined for an art project earlier this year. I was a massive space nerd in first grade and my inner child is living their best life. ✨
What about you? Do you orbit ideas a few times before you can really land on them?
